Soo's Stuff: It's like Chinese Water Torture.....

Why List

Why have a mobile and then don't bloody answer it?
Why do schools send small children swimming every week in the depths of winter?
Why does my car sound like a bag of spanners AFTER I've put oil and water in it?
Why do emmets never drive above 20m.p.h.?
Why do the kids always try to convince me it's a Teacher Training day the night before they go back to school?
Why is there always a tractor or bus in front when I'm in a hurry? Or an emmet.
Why do I always get the snotty looks when it's the KIDS that make us late for school?
Why does the toast always land butter side down?
Why does the phone ring the most urgently when I am in the shower?
Why does the dog always wait til I get in bed to need a piss?